I could write about how Harry, on probably the most critical period in his company’s history got up at midnight, worked all day. Like all day. Had a conference call that meant he would miss his nap before coming over to my house and came over early anyway. He took me to our restaurant. The one where we met for the first time, the one where I told him I love you with a business card. The one where we had our first kiss, our first dinner with the kids together. And we ate the most amazing pork chop I’ve ever had. And how he kissed me on my couch as we sipped a $60 bottle of wine slow and easy after dinner and looked at the 1963 Life Magazine I got him for Christmas.
I could write about how my kids were supposed to be with their dad but he didn’t have any plans for them for the holiday so they went off to hang out with their friends and called me to say they wanted to come by to say hi. How my son wouldn’t give me enough details about when they were coming over and it made me nervous that they would walk in on Harry and I having our romantic evening together. How I told my son, “Harry and I might be kissing and stuff.” to which he replied, “So you do that all the time anyway, what does it matter when we pop over?” I simply explained, “Honey, we kiss a lot different when you’re not around.” Yep, that worked, he finally got it. They came over early and all was good.
I could write about how the night was a perfect blend of great conversation and romance. How this New Year’s Eve is helping to further erase anything and anyone who came before. How we listened to music on the couch and when “Leaving on a Jet Plane” came on, how he sung it to me and told me he was going to make this song ours and how I told him he already did.
Or how he nestled his head on my thigh while we watched Ryan Seacrest drop the ball in Time Square and how as soon as we said Happy New Year he faded quickly having pushed himself to stay awake for 24 hours so our first New Year’s Eve could be special, and then how I got to tuck him into bed just like that Eric Clapton song “You Look Wonderful Tonight.” which is one of the most romantic songs ever.
I’ve had an inordinate amount of time alone lately. It’s the hardest thing for me. I’ve tried filling it with preparation and productivity. I’ve tried giving myself permission to be a couch potato and enjoy resting during my vacation.
And on this brand new day of this brand new year I’m thinking about my children and my Harry wishing that I was with them. But knowing this is just a season in my life. And because he is working so very hard, we will have time together soon.
So with Harry something amazing is happening to me and that is what I want to write about.
I’m learning by choice that the world does not revolve around making my life easier, or better, or happier. And that loving someone for real is a chance to put them first instead. And in doing that there is reward.
I’ve had a charmed life in that the men who loved me and who I chose to love were the ones who could give me the kind of life I truly wanted. Homey, happy, not lavish but certainly not wanting. I chose men who were available in any way I should need them. It just worked out that way. I’ve felt blessed in that.
But Harry is nearly everything except available. And I’m learning because of the demands on his time how selfish I’ve been in the past. Selfish because I was “lucky” enough to BE selfish by default. I didn’t even realize I was. I said what I wanted, hoped for or dreamed of and I often got it. Even with Slimeball, he loved making me happy.
And I know Harry wants to make me happy but I for one am very glad he can’t right now. I’m glad he can’t shower me with presents. I’m glad he can’t fulfill my every desire. I’m glad he has to tell me no. It’s forcing him to be strong, it’s forcing me to be understanding and I think it is building the best root system I’ve ever had in any relationship I’ve ever been in.
It’s not about being happy folks. It’s not about having perfect nights…even though this night nearly reached that pinnacle. It’s not about the flowers, wine, and romance. It’s not. It’s about being there for the other person in the way that is best for them. It’s about making that other person more important sometimes than any kind of instant gratification got by wanting the happiness in the moment more than the right person for a lifetime.
I know Harry is the right guy for me. He is not perfect. He tries his best to be a person of honor. He screws up sometimes. But most of the time he impresses the heck out of me. He is the kind of man I want in my life. So I will take whatever comes with him and embrace that too. I’m the lucky one that not only gets a phenomenal man to love, but I get a tremendously valuable lesson in the process.
It’s not all about me. Harry is teaching me how to love God’s way. Selflessly. One day we will get to be together more often. One day Harry will be my normal. And hopefully by then I will have this lesson I’ve learned well-practiced. Because I want to be the best wife in the world to him. He deserves it.
So here’s to 2013. Happy New Year! And to Harry I say…”I feel wonderful because I see the love light in your eyes. And the wonder of it all is that you just don’t realize how much I love you…My darling you were wonderful tonight.”